"The trick is to lose the umbrella before it breaks."
2023
“I know it is raw-organic fusion, but seriously?”
2023
“Sorry, man, she needs to get home safe more than you do.”
2024
“The trick is to imagine everyone naked while they sing to you”
2023
“Another one this month! Somebody has to stop her, she's a serial killer.”
2023
“The trick to meditation is to stare at a blank page and try to create something, your mind will enter a full state of emptiness.”
2024
"Ma'am, you're walking at 2 mph in a 5 mph zone. I need to see your walker's license."
2024
"No sir, you're not that familiar with the area. Please use the tourist lane."
2024
"You can't stop suddenly in the middle of the sidewalk to take a picture in peak hours, and a local must accompany this permit."
2024
“More tail movement, Buddy. Those treats don't pay for themselves”
2023
“Seven dog showers, three phone zombies bumping into me, and a drunk tourist pole dance —I’m done with work.”
2024
“Guess what, supermarkets? Weird-shaped veggies deserve shelf space too!”
2024
“You can start with overdue resolutions from 2020 to 2023”
2023
“Tonight, casting a spotlight on Lisa wondering where her Uber is. Tomorrow, Broadway!”
2024